The Unspoken Rules of Break up

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Relationships are the really hard to maintain in this time and age. We have the deputy baes, the claiming to be bffs, the I won’t give up on you exes, the skanky best friend that is always blowing up your guys phone and a very long line of white noises in social media in the comments and DMs. Break ups are bound to happen.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Not forgetting the different types of singles the hii ni nini wametuekea  wozzapp and the young generation of dickmatized  youth who keep swiping right until there’s nothing left. Its tough out here.

All’s well that ends well and no matter how you met there’s always a chance that you’ll break up

  1. We can never be just friends-

As simple as that, no friendly banter no nothing. As soon s you and I are done, we are done. Most people have the notion that, they can return to the state of being friends after a break up but that is not possible, there is no way that after a partner sees you naked and does fun good stuff with said naked body can return to empty smiles and small talk. Being friends means at some point we can get naked and do fun stuff, through the hard work that is day to day small talk and me pretending to care about how the something of something happened somehow will lead me to coitus with you but if that is already done there’s no need to return, just as there’s no need to re-read a red book.

  1. Don’t call me no more n don’t text me no more-


My number has become mine, do not use it, do not look at it and don’t think about it, just delete it. There is no need at all, in seven Game of Thrones realms or the known live universe that you need my number. Even if you wish to redeem a favor, just don’t you should make every effort possible to lose my number.  Should you have an emergency that only I can solve, find a way to make a comfortable life with said emergency.

  1. We cutting all family ties-

just as you do not call me, text me or mention me in prayer. I beg leave my family out of your reach, which includes; father, mother, sister, cousins, best friends and any friends we may have made during our relationship and wound up liking me more. Delete them from your phone, from your social life and from your life in general.  You have been banished from the family table, back to the kiddy table human or worse crouch and lick your water like a good pet.

  1. Stop hitting up my friends-

This is the peak of sadness, if we break up you not only break up with me but with everyone around me. Hitting up one of my friends can only lead to something negative for you so do not, I know these friends, I know what they are capable of. For the sake of your innocence leave them friends alone.

  1. Save that drama for your baby mamma-

It’s a disease among-st people, thinking that they can revisit someone’s life and not bring gifts but bring their complications and fuck ups. Who in the Goddamned F*_&^ do you think you are? Save that drama for the screw up in your life, lucky you. You have no

right to talk to me at all, I do not want to catch up, catch down or catch flies or anything, please and whole heartedly stay away from my life. When my ex tried this, I beat it up and spit on it then went back to taking a sip from my tea. Muhahahaha

  1. If I bought it please don’t  touch

Think it goes without saying that if I gave you some asset of mine it was under the condition that we are together if the condition is false then I need them back they are part of what u don’t like about me. Like Beyoncé once said

To the left, to the left
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet that’s my stuff, yes
If I bought it please don’t touch.
  1. Stop with the attention seeking-

It’s hard being looked over, imagine raising your hand in class and the bi*ch teacher just looks over you and picks some hinatsuri who’s sleeping. The anger that surfaces after, being dumped is the same in a sort of way only we can only be the extra in a movie setting. The most common fashion of attention seeking is slowly driving by your ex’s house more than once in a turn. She knows your car and sees it bruh….stop.


  1. Respect one’s decision-

No means no! No matter how many times she asks you to revisit just repeat the no and respect her decision to say no.  Amplify the no that not only shows that you respect her decision but also shows that you can make one for yourself. Helpful.

  1. We are never ever ever ever getting back together

Like ever.


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